youngturksfan (youngturksfan) wrote in theyoungturks,

THe Worst Excuse Ever

Bob Allen is a Republican State Representative from Florida. He was the co-chair of John McCain's Florida campaign. He is the author of a bill proposed in the last legislative session to strengthen Florida's laws against public sex, lewdness and indecency. And he is stridently anti-gay rights.

So, of course, you see where this is going. He recently got caught offering an undercover police officer $20 to blow him in a public bathroom. Don't get this wrong, he wasn't receiving the oral sex, he was giving it. And paying $20 on top. If you saw him, you'd know why.

But this isn't even where the story gets good.

He was arrested last month, but his excuse for why he did it just got released. Apparently, he told officers that the undercover cop was a "pretty stocky black guy" and there were a lot of other black guys around, so he feared for his life. He didn't want to become a "statistic," so he offered to shine the dude's knob -- and give him $20 on top -- to be able to escape his blackness without harm.

If this version of events were true -- which it most decidedly is not -- it would make Bob Allen an even worse guy.

Under the Scenario Number 1 where he's a Republican legislator caught soliciting a public sex act with another man, he's just an embarrassed, gay hypocrite. It's bad and your career is probably over, but you can live with it. There's nothing wrong with the gay part (and I don't even really care about the public sex part; those of you who haven't fooled around with your wife or girlfriend somewhere in public for a thrill cast the first stone). Once he got past the ridiculous hypocrisy and embarrassment, he probably would have felt liberated. A possible net positive, if you're a true optimist.

But under Scenario Number 2, where we believe Bob Allen's tall tale, Allen is a racist and a coward who would offer up $20 and his mouth for anyone who looks even the slightest bit intimidating or "stocky."

Wow, that's really bad. If you're not gay and you fall down on your knees and offer money to service another man because you are frightened, you are about the worst coward in the history of mankind. I've never heard something so embarrassing in my life.

Man, did he blow it with this lie?!

This has got to win a prize for the worst excuse ever. "Honey, I really didn't sleep with your best friend, I slept with your sister" comes in a distant second. Very, very distant second. Have you ever heard a worse excuse in your life? Or a more embarrassing story? Or a worse hypocrite? It's hard to top Bob Allen. Unless you're a stocky guy who looks slightly intimidating. Then, it's awfully easy to top Allen.

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